How far we have advanced that, anklet firmly in place, I can wander from my cubicle of pain on lunchtime release, stroll into a mall and have a good old cupping. The application of flame and small glass bowl can be mine for the payment of a small fee, which under certain circumstances is covered by by my health fund. I can then return to my cubicle with additional welts and suction marks, health enhanced. I only bewail the fact that I can’t get a decent bleeding* at the same spot, however I am sure that leech therapy (as practiced by HERODOTUS) will be available there soon.
Your mate does not drink coffee.+ Accordingly a coffee enema is not suitable for me. However, I am sure that colonic irrigation is available in various flavours. Perhaps some of my scientific colleagues have tried other products, such as chicken soup? Failing that, perhaps a tea enema is a suitable substitute? A good old irish breakfast flush, anyone? I need something to get over the bloated feeling from Christmas-New Year indulgence, and why should it be denied me over a choice of beverages?^
Can someone remind me why we make fun of the middle ages? They had it all back then. No compacted feces accumulating on the bowel for them. Ahh, the wisdom of the Ancients.#
(What would Erich von Daniken do?%)
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* au contraire – bleedings are commonly available at numerous places near my locale, it is just that I am fussy and require a controlled environment, no alcohol and the scientific extraction of money from my wallet, as opposed to the brutal fumbling of a mugging
+ it is a source of some embarrassment to him that he gave up this addiction after watching an episode of South Park. Now he just needs to watch an episode about The Book Depository.
^ some idiot suggested a little exercise and a more moderate diet. Like that’s going to happen.
# Except those stupid Mayans.
% write a crappy book about it and make a fortune
Hey, maybe I should write a poem about this.
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(The Joe Chip portal has been updated here.)
You Are What You Eat 