The story so far …

1.  DIET

So you want to be healthy?  Then you must diet.  The way to diet is to eat less.  That’s pretty simple, isn’t it?   But no, you want to read more.  OK.

But its not just about eating less, its about eating right, from the right brain.  Between us, in our lively discussions that have lit up the blogosphere like exploding swamp gas (wouldn’t it be great to actually do that?), in our give and take, we have through the powers of dialectic (take only in small doses or as otherwise prescribed by your metaphysician) nutted out the essentials of healthy living, the necessary components of your daily diet:

  • Air (with poisonous oxygen extracted – its ok, deep sea divers do it all the time, and look how cool they are)
  • Water (with poisonous oxygen extracted – the Hindenburg technique – again with the lighting up)
  • Dolphin meat (where you have ethically slaughtered your own dolphin to use their attractive skin fashionably)
  • Pets (this is why you must choose your pet wisely, with a view to how it will look presented on the plate)
  • The occasional egg from a caged (most definitely not so-called “free range”) chicken
  • Steak (from a cow, not a primitive chicken)

Of course we have to “break out” occasionally (unless we reside in Spandau, in which I am not encouraging any breaking out), and man does not live by bread alone (or at all, I don’t see that on the list).  Everyone needs a treat occasionally.  That’s what licking is for.  Its why vegans can lick meat, just for a treat (you know you want to).  So far in treats, we have included blind people.  But no matter how tempting, never ever lick rat candy.

But whats that I hear you moan?  “Mymatejoechip” you mutter, “I am a victim of mass commercialism and the modern materialistic society.  Not only do I have to be excessively thin, I have to have more choice.”  Shudder.  OK, so long as you realise that you are a victim, choices you shall have.  We shall continue to consider what can be added to the modern diet, for you to have less of.

And always remember, the main part of “diet” is “die”.

2.  EXERCISE

The main options agreed by all exercise experts are either the martial arts or the marital arts.  It is uncouth to confuse them.  Please see the page “Kung Fu Loving”.

TO BE CONTINUED …

Scientists, I am ready for your peer review:

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