Wombats are big furry buggers that look like a giant crawling teddy bear and the unsuspecting say “oh cute, so cute” until they turn and outrun your wife and trip her over and you keep running you coward because you have soiled yourself you are so scared, they just keep running and you hear your wife scream because its stopped now, only a fallen victim will stop it, and you hear it, you hear her flesh being torn, it makes a ripping sound, and you cannot ever forgive yourself but you also hate her a little bit forever, because she cannot forgive you, and it is no consolation that the wombat does not eat the flesh, it tears and nuzzles for a moment then returns to its business, it does not eat her because it is a herbivore, but it rips her because it is a nasty big furry bugger, and it could answer the question if it could speak, it could tell you if your wife tastes like chicken, because it has tasted both even though it does not swallow, but even if it spoke, you would be too chicken shit to ask, you gutless wonder.  The relief you felt when she fell.

Not to be confused with the cryptid womb-bats.

  1. Ron Dionne says:

    Chilling, downright chilling. I don’t think I’ll be able to look at my wife when she’s next to a wombat the same way ever again. And then you go and mention womb-bats. I need a drink.

  2. […] gave me a little bit of a fright there, when I first read womb-bat I thought you had written wombat, and given you were talking about the lady’s nether regions, all I could do was meditate on […]

  3. […] has provided some advice regarding etiquette here.  It is very important not to confuse them with the savage, woman biting wombat, so for your own safety and edification, you must read this […]

  4. […] wombats are to be introduced, they are too […]

  5. […] on from his discussion of wombats, Your mate has been considering the flavour of flags, in prose and poesy.  Mmm, […]

  6. […] dingoes didn’t just kill sheep, I figured.  I was nearly asleep, but the nocturnal sounds of wombats and womb bats kept bringing my consciousness back to the […]

Scientists, I am ready for your peer review:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s